In a world that’s already complicated, no one wants more mess. Over the years, I’ve had to face myself, and that’s how I know the work is never optional — it’s essential.
Packaging might get you noticed — the looks, the body, the lifestyle. But keeping people? That takes more than attraction. If relationships keep breaking down, if connections don’t last, if you find yourself asking, “why does this always happen to me?” … at some point, the real question becomes: Am I really getting this right?
The answer is simple: you can only dress up what you refuse to face for so long.
The Real Avoidance
The harder truth is that most people don’t want to face themselves. We’ve normalized plastering over our struggles with distractions: money, success, aesthetics, performance. And because so few of us are ever challenged on our behaviours or thought processes, we convince ourselves we’re fine. Until we’re not.
What Doing the Work Really Gives You
When you finally do the work, that’s when the shift happens. Therapy, self-reflection, growth — it all builds something no outfit or bank account can buy: mental toughness and unshakable confidence.
And here’s the thing: that kind of confidence is attractive. It’s alluring. It creates intrigue. It’s why sometimes we fall for people who aren’t even our “type” on paper — because it’s not just the looks, it’s the aura. It’s the essence. People lean in, not because of the packaging, but because of the presence.
Evidence That Presence Outweighs Packaging
Research shows that inner qualities outweigh superficial traits in long-term satisfaction and attraction:
• Personality traits such as emotional intelligence and openness are more strongly correlated with relationship satisfaction than physical attractiveness. (Source: ResearchGate, “Correlations of Personality Traits and Romantic Relationship Satisfaction”)
• While physical attractiveness can influence initial attraction, it has less impact on long-term marital satisfaction, particularly for women. (Source: Psychology of Women Quarterly)
By the time you’ve done that work, nothing but God Himself can shift you.
The Revolution We Need
This is why I say therapy needs a revolution — but not just in how society sees it. The revolution starts with us.
Because if the packaging is perfect, and you’re attracting people, but you can’t keep them? It comes back to self. We can’t control other people — their behaviour, their baggage, their choices. But we can take responsibility for how we show up.
We all want connection — not just romance, but friendships, community, belonging. People need people. But to build something that lasts, we have to start with the uncomfortable self-dialogue:
• What patterns am I repeating?
• What do I need to unlearn?
• Where am I avoiding growth?
That’s the real revolution. Therapy is one way, but even beyond therapy, it’s about courage — the courage to face yourself honestly, so the attraction isn’t just on the outside, but woven into the way you live, love, and lead.
The Invitation
So here’s my question for you:
What’s the one thing you know you’ve been avoiding facing in yourself? Until you’ve done the work, the cracks will always show. The work you do on yourself is the magnet. Keep cultivating it, and you’ll notice people, opportunities, and life itself start responding differently.
Until Next Time
Donita Boateng
