This Friendship Thing? It Hits Different Now!
Still joyful. Still full. Still beautiful. Just shaped by choice, growth, and real-life shifts.
Let’s talk about friendship — not the surface-level kind, but the real, layered, life-happens kind.
I’ve always been a girl’s girl. I come from a line of women. I’ve got two sisters that I get the absolute privilege of calling friends, a bunch of female cousins who are like built-in besties, and a wider circle of friends I’ve harvested, cultivated, and been intentional about over the years.
So when I speak about friendship changing, I’m not shocked by it. I’ve known for a while that it shifts — but even knowing doesn’t always make it easy.
I’ve seen my own circle evolve in ways I never expected:
Friends got married. Some had kids. Others found religion and began walking a different path. Careers changed. Mental health dipped. Priorities shifted. And slowly, the group chats went quieter, the brunches less frequent, and the “You free tonight?” texts turned into calendar invites… if they came at all.
And I get it. Because my life changed too.
I remember when my best friend got married. I was screaming with joy because I knew how much she wanted it. But soon after, I had to adjust. No more spontaneous plans. No more sleepovers. There was a husband in the bed now — and rightly so.
Then came the babies. Loud, joyful, chaotic visits. And I adored them. But the vibe changed. I wanted to play with their kids… but I also wanted a Gin & Tonic. I wanted to sit with their husbands… but I also wanted random mid week dinners and spontaneous nights out. So I found new people to explore that side with. Not because I was replacing anyone. Just evolving alongside them.
Then there were friends who turned deeper into their faith. They stopped coming out. Didn’t drink. Dated differently. They went quiet, & i had to remind myself — that’s not a rejection of me. That’s them choosing their path. And I can honour that, even if I miss who they were to me once.
And of course, business changed me too. When started my business, those spontaneous city breaks didn’t make sense anymore. I started connecting with women who were also building something — boss babes, creative hustlers, founders. And again, it wasn’t personal. It was practical.
I’ve had to find new friendships that match where I am without losing the love for the ones I’ve always had.
I’ve had to become more intentional.
Plans aren’t always spontaneous with my day ones — they’re curated. Thoughtful. It works because we choose to make it work.
And along the way, I’ve made space for new friendships too — I’ve found friends on solo trips, through my partner, through work, through random conversations in unexpected places. These connections are just as beautiful, because they’re not born of proximity — they’re born of energy, of alignment, of shared values. And that? That’s a whole new kind of magic.
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What I’ve learned along the way is this:
• Don’t take it personal. Life’s transitions aren’t always about you.
• Make space for friendships to evolve — or even pause.
• Embrace new connections. You’re not betraying anyone by growing.
• Be your own best friend. That way, you love from fullness, not emptiness.
• Let people go gently, and let them come back softly, if and when they do.
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If you’re feeling like:
• You’re always the one reaching out
• You’re drifting from people you once couldn’t go a day without
• You crave deeper, realer connection but feel hesitant to open up
You are not alone.
And more importantly — you are not failing at friendship.
You’re just in a new season.
One where maybe your priorities have shifted.
Or your boundaries are tighter.
Or you simply want more honest, nourishing, drama-free relationships — and those take time to build.
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📺 Shows & Films on Friendship That Hit Home
If you want to feel seen in this, here are a few series and films that capture the beauty, pain, and complexity of growing friendships:
• Girlfriends – Four women growing through love, conflict, and change. Classic.
• Insecure – Real, awkward, and raw. A masterclass in what friendship looks like in your 30s.
• Sex and the City – Yes, the fashion is great — but the friendship evolution is what sticks.
• Harlem – Bold, stylish, and full of personality. Follows four ambitious women navigating life, love, and friendship in NYC. The sisterhood is real, the laughs are loud, and the growing pains are relatable.
• After 30 (2025) – A Nigerian film about four women navigating identity, love, and legacy. Relatable, heartfelt, and honest.
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Final Thought:
I don’t hold people like my life depends on them anymore.
I don’t beg for closeness, or expect people to meet me where I am if they can’t.
I respect them, release them, and love them anyway.
And in the process, I’ve learned to love myself better.
To stand solid, with or without the same people beside me.
To show up fully, with softness, grace, and boundaries.
Friendship might not look like it once did —
But it’s still love.
Still valid.
Still beautiful.
Just… different!
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With love always,
Donita Boateng
Soft, steady, and still choosing love.