Mirror Talk - It Wasn’t Them. It Was You! And That’s Good News.

When you stop playing the victim and start owning your choices, something wild happens: you get your power back.

I have this “secret little space” where women spill their guts, “the brow chair”… & if you’ve ever sat in it, you know: we go there… here’s what I’ve noticed again and again.

So many women feel let down — by friends, by loved ones, by work, by life…

And listen, sometimes people really do us dirty. But other times — if we’re being really honest — we handed the scissors to someone and acted surprised when they cut us. We ignored a gut feeling. We overextended ourselves. We stayed when we should’ve walked away. And then we’re shocked when it all goes left.

Accountability gets a bad rap. (A lot of us don’t like the sound of it)

It sounds like you’re blaming yourself for the breakup, the friendship fallout, or the toxic workplace. But I see it differently: accountability is not blame — it’s freedom.

Not taking the blame for other people’s choices — but being honest about how you showed up in the situation, and how long you tolerated something that didn’t serve you.

That kind of honesty used to feel scary to me.

Now? It feels like freedom.

Because when it’s always them, you give your power away, you’re stuck.

But when you start asking:

“What part did I play?”

“What did I ignore?”

“What boundary didn’t I set?”

You stop feeling like a victim & you start moving with clarity & you make the change! That’s power. That’s hot.

Taking therapy is one of the best investments I’ve made in myself, and I’ll always recommend it — especially if you’re ready to meet yourself fully.

Therapy gave me tools I didn’t even know I needed — like how to recognise my patterns, how to speak to myself with honesty and kindness, and how to take accountability without shame.

These days? I move differently.

I retrace my steps earlier.

I notice the patterns faster.

And I walk away sooner — not with coldness, but with clarity.

Because I’d rather feel a little discomfort from holding a boundary than deep disappointment from betraying myself. Again.

So next time your inner voice goes, “I can’t believe they did that to me,” ask yourself this instead:“What part did I play in this, and how can I not play it again?”

It’s not self-blame. It’s self-respect. We’re growing over here, not sulking, that’s the real glow-up!

With love and truth,

Donita Boateng 💛

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@donita.boateng @dmindfullyfe @dbrowlyfe